Things that go BUMP in my mind

by Waldo Tomosky on Sunday, July 31, 2011 at 9:10pm

Why are they picking on my beautiful Lisa on Ice Road Truckers?

How did Edgar Allen Poe end up in West Point?

Why did Jorge Luis Borges marry Maria Kodama?

What happened to Frederich Nietzsche during the decade he lived with his sister?

Is Atlas ready to shrug again or will the USA come to its senses?

Do John Graunt’s “Bills of Mortality” apply to me or just other people?

Is Michael Palmer an excellent author or a method writer?

Did Louise DeFluer add or subtract from Binghamton University?

How could Endicott Johnson not see the need to upgrade to automation machinery?

How come I only have eight toes and did it really keep from from being accepted into the Math Program?

Did Robin Hood really commit suicide due to an  imbalance of cadmium?

Why do my neighbors keep on sending the department of mental health to my house?

How come my radio only recieves in black and white?

How do I connect my USB port to my 60 watt reading lamp?

Am I a man trapped in a nun’s body?

Should I take my medications every day or is my analyst playing with me?

Was John Galt a good boy before he met Ayn?

Does using Oxycodone turn one into an Oxymoron?

My next door neighbor is a master horticulturist. You should see his cellar!

Did my mother in law really love me or did she fake it?

Does hexidecimal addition require a hexigon?

Why do Object Oriented Programming Systems  have the acronym OOPS?

Why are apprenticeship enrollees called PENIS BOYS?

Do you know what a BOOMER is?

Why is there a full orchestra playing during ICE ROAD TRUCKERS?

Why did my sister in law decide not to be married to God after forty years in the nunnery?

Did the writer of the song “Paulie Wally Doodle All Day” know my brother’s name was Paul?

and what the hell is this “Does eat oats and Mares eat oats and little Lambs eat ivy” all about?

Was there a relationship between Dick Nixon and the guy that sells gold on the TV set?

Did Binghamton really need Urban Renewal?

Are residents of Tucson really called Tuscalonians?

Why does my TV that runs on natural gas (or coal in a pinch) smell funny?

Why do we have to wash out our empty beer bottles?

If you have answers to these questions please call Congressman Hinchy.

If you have no anwers to these questions please call Congressman Hinchy.

If you don’t give a damn about things that go bump in my mind please call Congressman Hinchy.

If you do not understand the questions please call Senator Shumer; he does not understand anything either.

Good night and goodby Mrs. Calabash wherever you are. (My apologies to Jimmy Durante.)

Waldo has left reality.

FOR EXTRA CREDIT: If you said a “BOOMER” was an apprentice in the railroad yard who slammed a sledge hammer into the side of frozen rail cars carrying coal (simply to break the coal  loose) you are correct. As a reward please add four extra packages of “Sweet and Lo” to your morning coffee.

Boomers lived in Susquehanna PA. They made good money and kielbasie. Long live papinki!


About Waldo "Wally" Tomosky

I am proud of my work life (not the jobs, just the work).  Bait monger  Lawn mower  Paper boy  Windshield cleaner in a drive-in theater (if you don't know what a drive-in theater is there is no sense in you reading any farther)  Snack shack janitor in a drive in theater (ditto for drive-in theater)  Milling machine clean-up boy in a tool and die shop  Plastic injection press operator  Centurion in the US Army  Factory hand  Apprentice boy  Tool and die maker  Software user manual writer  Computer programmer  Ex-patriate par excellence  Engineering manager  Software test manager  Retiree  University administrator  System analyst  Retiree (2nd try)  Licensed amateur paleontologist  Retiree (3rd try)  Shovel bum (archaeology)  Retiree (4th try)  Delivery driver  Retiree (5th try)  Graduate student (skipped AA and BA due to the level of difficulty)  Retiree (finally got the drift of it) I have been writing for fourteen years and have fifteen books on Amazon/Kindle. Some horror, some twisted, some experimental, some essay and a few historical. I think that now I will really, really, really retire and just write. Lets see if I can do retirement correctly this time!
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