Instinct versus Intellect
My experiences at Panzerkoncern and Patch turned out to be excellent preparation for my analyst work at Zurich and Bern. It allowed me to gather a knowledge of the German language while being able to conduct my sessions in English. My clients in Germany were American soldiers or their wives and children. My weekdays were spoken in English but my nights and weekends were Deutschsprechen.
So I lay there in bed, that night that I had met her, thinking about everything except what I was anticipating. The next day’s plan with Gabriella, sweet Gabriella from Temuco, had somehow fallen to the wayside. I wondered if I was getting to the age where sharing an intimate evening, or night, is not the most important thing in my life. I could not imagine my mind wandering from Gabriella; yet it had. It then came back to me that I was thinking of Gabriella, which had taken me to the thoughts of Crazy Jazz Girl then to my work in Zurich, which was followed by memories of my stay in Boeblingen and Stuttgart, West Germany.
It made me wonder what is most important; instinct or intellect. Instinct seems to control my basic drives such as sex and survival. Intellect appears to be more even handed. The big problem with intellect is that I get pulled along by my thoughts. A question, once answered, always seems to draw along a related question; until that one gets answered, which raises yet another question. This is the master of all phenomena.
On the other hand instinct always ends with a satisfaction of one type or another. Always a satisfaction; but not all are equal. Definitely none of these satisfactions are permanent ends. The instinct rises up within me and it must be satisfied. If not, torment either wells up or is buried until I no longer admit the instinct to myself.
To be truthful, I can not say that intellect always follows the path of a question, an answer, new question, followed by new answer. I remember the time when an intellectual series such as this took the wrong turn. The question developed into an answer that bothered me. That answer was so profound that the intellectual series ended with a leap over to my instinctive side. I satisfied the craving of the instinct and it has only returned once or twice. I do not dwell on it much. Perhaps that is why the instinct has been held at bay.
While I lay there cogitating I remembered the promise of the next day with Gabriella. I knew that if I continued to reflect on my past I would never sleep. Possibly those pleasant thoughts of Gabriella allowed me to doze off into oblivion.